Misogyny won.

Someone attempted to rape my sister close to seventeen years ago. She was ten at the time. Mom and dad were away on a work related trip. She and my four year old brother had been left under the care of a family friend, or so my folks thought.

“He brought us home for the evening and as soon as Brother left for his bedroom, he suddenly pulled me to his lap and pulled my dress up,” she told me casually, about twelve years later. “Lucky for me, Brother came back and the man had no choice but to release me. I was shocked and enraged.” Me too, people, me too. Loudly, I wondered who else knew. Mom? Dad? She shook her head. Just me. This was the first time she’d told a soul. She’d suspected that no one would believe the word of a ten-year old girl against that of a forty-four year old man. She was right. No one does. We live in a rape culture, where the onus is not on the rapist, but the victim. We know that misogyny is real, and that the society is structurally designed to protect the word of a man. We know. We know that women spaces, in as much as they’re expanding, there’s a lot of backlash from the patriarchal order. We know, yet some pretend not to. Why? Yes, some progress has been made, but how significant is it? Especially when it comes to influencing mindsets? What is the minimum bar of male bullshit? Perhaps none. It’s a classic case of “boys being boys” and “women being saints”. America just elected a twelve time alleged rapist in the highest office of the land. Throughout this election cycle, we’ve seen different versions of misogyny, but the ultimate test was a choice between a champion of not just women, but basic human decency and a champion of misogyny. It seemed easy. President Obama had set the bar way, way high. The choice was as clear as day and night. But alas! America settled on the latter, and the world must deal with it. The entire patriarchal elitist order has already coalesced around their champion with congratulatory messages.

Sad to see hate filled messages streaming in, silencing us, telling that our pain doesn’t matter, that we’re misguided in our desire to seek representation at the top. Sad to see our dreams and ambitions demonized. The year 2016 flooded misogyny and the target was a woman who was not only slut-shamed and age-shamed (despite being younger than her opponent), she was disgraced for her husband’s and employee’s husband transgressions, she was threatened with death, prison and violence in the most staggering of proportions. Symbolic caskets and jail cells with mannequins of her inside, placards and t-shirts bearing the slogan “trump that bitch” reminded us of the glaring violence directed towards women anywhere on the globe, be it Meru or Nairobi or New York or downtown Mumbai. It reminded us of that colleague who stares a little too long or the collective stories we all bear of psychological and physical trauma in the hands of men. How we’ve been denied promotions and our ideas trashed because of our genitals. Knowledge and experience, traits admired in men, are frowned at in women. The notion that women gain power by marrying powerful men was sold over and over, and over and over, it sunk, a powerful disinformation strategy of repeating a lie until it becomes the truth. Yes, Hillary married a powerful man, but that was his power, not hers. Power is not sexually transmitted. Hillary wasn’t the one sitting in the Oval Office or going to G8 summits or making life and death military decisions during Bill’s tenure. Nothing screams anti-establishment more than a woman candidate, not in 2016 when a vast number of women are still grossly underpaid, underrepresented, our bodies policed and a simple pill to cure endometriosis is practically inexistent. The elites have poured their money towards erectile dysfunction research, reforming the man’s contraceptive to erase side effects―after men gave it a red card. (Curious, since the female contraceptive has never been subject to this much scrutiny or reform despite the side effects.) Women have been outsiders for way too long.

When we are not being denigrated, we are being ignored altogether. We’ve seen misogyny coalesce very fast, telling us that all the anger and violence directed towards women online and off, from people we know to those we don’t means absolutely nothing. We knew that it would be difficult to get a woman into the Oval Office, but we never imagined that the most qualified woman would be trounced by the most unqualified of men. We knew that the fight was an uphill one, but not once did I imagine that I’d get messages from strangers threatening to rape me and telling me to go hang because I’m supporting a woman. And so we air our opinions, but we never know what’s next on the platter of violence; online or off.

Misogyny has reared it’s the ugly head and there’s no way to un-see what one has already seen. It has revealed how normalized this vice is. No wonder my sister couldn’t expose that pedophile disguised as a guardian. No wonder women protect bosses who sexually harass them. It’s no wonder most victims of rape go quiet. It’s no wonder we can’t walk out on the streets without the fear that some male stranger might hurt us. This is not just politics. It’s a bigger story of systemic gaps in how gender functions. A story of centuries old oppression that’s been internalized and accepted to staggering proportions. Our mothers warned us, as did our own fathers. That men are not to be trusted. Where did they get this idea, from? Diffusion? We’re socialized to expect so little of men while at the same time demanding utter sainthood from women, why? Politics matter. You elect a rapist, normalize rape culture. You normalize misogyny. You silence women. You essentially say to women, yes, men are trash, deal with it.  

Twitter: @Catherine_amayi

Email: ccamayi@yahoo.com